Check out this.
In case you didn’t click on the link let me sum up – it’s a list of “30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself” and it’s really good.
In the spirit of this list I’m going to practice # 25.
#25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
A couple of weeks ago I was able to participate in the rescue of a dog. To most she is just a “dog” but to her owner she was very special. The rescue went fine but in the afterward the people I had worked with had issues and ended up bullying me. It was an unpleasant end to an otherwise great story, the bulk of which was on facebook until things went south and then I deleted all traces of it. It may still be in my twitter feed, I don’t know.
What I DO know is I tried to handle it as best I could, take the high road, block the offending parties and move on. I talked with some of my other rescue friends because EVERYONE who does this goes through this at some point. EVERYONE. We all have different ways of dealing with garbage and I’m doing my best to move on.
The reality is I feel stuck. I may not be but I have nothing to measure this against. I do know that I hesitate to post ANYTHING on facebook or twitter, and while I don’t think the people who came after me on facebook-land have any clue about my blog I’m still nervous about coming here.
I don’t like making decisions out of fear or anger and that’s what life feels like right now. If it weren’t for my sewing/blogging friends posting happy photos of their latest creations, their dogs and cats, their kids…I seriously love you guys. There is a LOT of good in the world, I know that. I just have to get back to the place where the sun shines. I go read ALL your blogs for inspiration – Rochelle, Oona, Michelle, Vicki, Barbara, Kat, Trish, Wanette, Peter, Djamila, Lee, Bethany, Liz, Leila, Tempest, Tasha, Meg, Erin….and so many more that I can’t think of right now!
I don’t want to be afraid or sad. I have so many projects cut out and ready to go but am I going to make the deadline for the Mad Men challenge? I just don’t know. I have Tempest’s voice in the back of my head whispering “If it’s not fun don’t do it”. I’m hoping it will be fun, soon, because I spend most of my time working or commuting or doing homework. Good news is I’m almost done with my course work. Bad news is all I want to do right now is sit on the couch and watch “Miss Fishers Murder Mysteries” and eat Girl Scout cookes. I’ve even got three paper dresses in various stages of completion, just need to finish and take photos!
So I’ve cried some, I’ve talked to friends. One, a teacher, outlined what they do in schools to handle this sort of thing and it comes down to…not a lot. I’ve tried editing my post about twitter to include dealing with trolls and have opened up a new and fascinating can of worms, so it will take a while longer for me to get everything pulled together. I have no patience. Hormones? Maybe…
Sigh….this is really the best I can do right now.