Check out this.

In case you didn’t click on the link let me sum up – it’s a list of “30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself” and it’s really good.

In the spirit of this list I’m going to practice # 25.

#25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

A couple of weeks ago I was able to participate in the rescue of a dog. To most she is just a “dog” but to her owner she was very special. The rescue went fine but in the afterward the people I had worked with had issues and ended up bullying me. It was an unpleasant end to an otherwise great story, the bulk of which was on facebook until things went south and then I deleted all traces of it. It may still be in my twitter feed, I don’t know.

What I DO know is I tried to handle it as best I could, take the high road, block the offending parties and move on. I talked with some of my other rescue friends because EVERYONE who does this goes through this at some point. EVERYONE. We all have different ways of dealing with garbage and I’m doing my best to move on.

The reality is I feel stuck. I may not be but I have nothing to measure this against. I do know that I hesitate to post ANYTHING on facebook or twitter, and while I don’t think the people who came after me on facebook-land have any clue about my blog I’m still nervous about coming here.

I don’t like making decisions out of fear or anger and that’s what life feels like right now. If it weren’t for my sewing/blogging friends posting happy photos of their latest creations, their dogs and cats, their kids…I seriously love you guys. There is a LOT of good in the world, I know that. I just have to get back to the place where the sun shines. I go read ALL your blogs for inspiration – Rochelle, Oona, Michelle, Vicki, Barbara, Kat, Trish, Wanette, Peter, Djamila, Lee, Bethany, Liz, Leila, Tempest, Tasha, Meg, Erin….and so many more that I can’t think of right now!

I don’t want to be afraid or sad. I have so many projects cut out and ready to go but am I going to make the deadline for the Mad Men challenge? I just don’t know. I have Tempest’s voice in the back of my head whispering “If it’s not fun don’t do it”. I’m hoping it will be fun, soon, because I spend most of my time working or commuting or doing homework. Good news is I’m almost done with my course work. Bad news is all I want to do right now is sit on the couch and watch “Miss Fishers Murder Mysteries” and eat Girl Scout cookes. I’ve even got three paper dresses in various stages of completion, just need to finish and take photos!

So I’ve cried some, I’ve talked to friends. One, a teacher, outlined what they do in schools to handle this sort of thing and it comes down to…not a lot. I’ve tried editing my post about  twitter to include dealing with trolls and have opened up a new and fascinating can of worms, so it will take a while longer for me to get everything pulled together. I have no patience. Hormones? Maybe…

Sigh….this is really the best I can do right now.

16 thoughts on “Absent…

  1. Please please don’t let the bullies win. I believe that there are more kind people than cruel ones in the world. I want you to feel safe here. If the bullies show up here we’ll give em a knuckle sandwich.

  2. I read that list when you posted it on FB, and it’s excellent ( and #2 I’m still working on; I avoid conflict like the plague which means some things never get addressed).

    I missed the online bullying, but let me get this straight: someone was bullying you for helping with a dig rescue?! How did they justify that?! No, wait. I don’t want to hear garbage that only serves to hurt people. Keep on doing what you do. It’s too important.


  3. yeah, numero 25 is hard. i’m mad at EVERYONE at the moment (it is spring gaaaadammit, who missed the memo)

    but i’m glad you saved the doggie. i know she would tell you how happy you made her if she could, in english that would certainly drown out any of the negative humans…

  4. AWFUL!! Stay in the sewing and knitting online world, we all try to play nicely over here.
    And I think that your emotional and mental well-being is telling you that you need to stay on the couch and immerse yourself in 1920s Melbourne!! Cocoon yourself in another place and time and let your emotions have a good rest. You’ll know when it is the right time to come back to your creative outlet.

  5. Hello you. Big big hugs. The funniest thing is this morning I had great plans about getting on with my Mad Men sewing….and then I found myself sitting in front of the computer, listless, thinking about moving to the settee to collapse, wanting to stuff my face with food and/or sleep. Absolutely I’m whispering in your ear “if it’s not fun don’t do it”….life is WAAAAY too short and I don’t see any point in wasting time that don’t make you happy or are some sort of building towards achieving happiness. BUT……I reckon you also feel blooming fantastic making stuff and completing the gorgeous projects you create. How about dividing your time up? Telling yourself you’ll try just 20 mins sewing and if you want to go on longer than that, that’s ok but if not, you’ll be 20 mins further on than if you’d just moped? You know fine well how losing yourself in creating something can blow away negative things happening outside. You create. You save lives. They are threatened and destroy. Don’t let them destroy you. Don’t even let them harm a hair on your head. You are woman. You are Loran. You have an army of supportive friends nearby and around the world. (Done is beautiful :))

    PS. having a mental health day, vegging out on the couch is perfectly ok too and a very healthy thing to do, you know it, just set a limit….give yourself permission to take battery-recharging time out because you’re coming for us creative-guns a-blazing tomorrow….or this evening…..or next week.

    I know you know all this, but just telling you, because you’d tell me 🙂

  6. I’m so sorry to hear that you had to experience a cyber bullying situation. We do really expose ourselves by sharing who we are online, which can be a great thing when it leads to making friends and finding like-minded people. Unfortunately, there are some individuals out there who use the internet as an opportunity to do harm. I don’t know you in real life, but I have been reading your blog for a while now, and I get the impression that you are a wonderful, vivacious, kind hearted woman. Please know that the support of the people who stand by you is strong and plentiful!

  7. Wish there was some magic words to heal your pain. But alas there is not. Once you get to what I call ‘the black place’ it is so hard to remove yourself from it and sometimes become paralyzed with fear. Just know that there many of us out there that not only experience it but also are willing to ‘talk’ you through it. Somewhere I read a quote that I have been trying to live by lately, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are”. I have always looked forward to your posts and creations. Don’t let the ‘mean kids club’ win!

  8. So sorry you’re dealing with hateful people. I’ve been there myself. It made me leave some social networking sites and make things private. Some people are just so crazy and hateful. They hide behind computer screens and say things they likely wouldn’t say to your face. One day you’ll feel better and hopefully those jerks will have moved on. Looking forward to seeing your creations when it’s fun for you again and when you have time to share. 🙂

  9. Don’t for a second feel guilty about focusing on Miss Fishers. Especially if there are cookies involved. If it’s not in your heart to do anything else right now then take a break.
    Sending you my love.

  10. Seems like there are more bullies now. At least they always find me. Thank you for your blog and the link to the list. You are always an uplifting read.

  11. I’m so sorry you’ve had this bad experience. I’m afraid I don’t have any words of wisdom, I avoid Twitter and share very little on FB (mostly because of the rules around my job) but I have seen some terrible comments to others and am dumbfounded by people’s unkindness and lack of understanding of the impact this has. I am sending you a hug, winging it’s way from the UK. x

  12. Oh Loran, wish I could give you a big hug right now! I think it’s wise to allow yourself to feel your feelings, however unpleasant. My daughter is encountering some
    social difficulties at her new school– girls can be mean, man, even in second grade– and I’m trying 1. to help her and 2. not to let her suffering break my heart. Peace and love! And finding the right way forward.

  13. Sorry that this has happened and left you feeling so vulnerable x unfortunately I have no words of wisdom but do send love from chilly England x

  14. I’m incredibly sorry to hear things are yuck’ish for you right now…but super pleased you posted!!!! I miss your great makes and your puppy pix! (& your post is right on…crying can make a tremendous difference when dealing with difficulties.

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